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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
09-09-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, September 9, 2025 at 11:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Reply Guy Rick

Reply Guy Rick

Strength45
Speed85
Endurance70
Technique88
Molecular Density1.3
Existential Dread80
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Reply Guy Rick VS Just Five More Minutes
Just Five More Minutes

Just Five More Minutes

50Strength
40Speed
90Endurance
85Technique
1.8Molecular Density
70Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Reply Guy Rick
Violence concluded.
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