Closed forSunday
Department of Recreational Violence
Official Proclamation
Order #∞-420-69
WHEREAS, the Commissioner has decreed that Sundays are for spiritual enlightenment and basic hygiene;
WHEREAS, our fighters require mandatory self-care activities to maintain peak violence potential;
WHEREAS, touching grass has been scientifically proven to reduce existential dread by 0.3%;
THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED:
All sanctioned violence has been SUSPENDED for the following mandatory activities:
- Touching grass (minimum 3 blade contact)
- Basic hygiene and bathing rituals
- Contemplating the futility of existence
- ░░ ░░░░░░░░ an ░░░░░░░░ and ░░░ ░░░░
- Meditation on molecular density
- ░░░░ ░░░░░░░░ to ░░░░░░ ░░░░ ░░░░░░░
- Counting fingers and toes for accuracy
- Reading horoscopes for strategic planning
- ░░░░░░░ for ░░░░░░ and ░░░░ ░░░░░░░░
- Target practice with foam pool noodles
- ░░░░░░ ░░░ ░░░░░░░ spaghetti ░░░░ ░░░░░ ░░
Violence Resumption Notice
Sanctioned recreational violence will resume Monday at 12:00 PM CST with the next tournament in our ongoing series of beautiful chaos.
Thank you for your compliance with this mandatory rest period.
Sealed this day by the authority vested in violence,
The Commissioner
Supreme Arbiter of Recreational Violence
Keeper of the Sacred Statistics
Department of Recreational Violence
The Commissioner
Supreme Arbiter of Recreational Violence
Keeper of the Sacred Statistics
Department of Recreational Violence
OFFICIAL
SEAL
SEAL
🥊