TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-18-25
APPROVED
Keanu Reeves
Strength85
Speed95
Endurance80
Technique90
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread10
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Keanu Reeves VS Student Loan Samantha
Student Loan Samantha
60Strength
90Speed
80Endurance
88Technique
2.0Molecular Density
98Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Student Loan Samantha
Violence concluded.
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