TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-20-25
APPROVED
Why Am I Here Johnson
Strength45
Speed70
Endurance80
Technique95
Molecular Density1.2
Existential Dread99
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Why Am I Here Johnson VS The Carbonara Killer
The Carbonara Killer
80Strength
85Speed
75Endurance
92Technique
2.8Molecular Density
50Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
The Carbonara Killer
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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