TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-20-25
APPROVED
John Cena
Strength95
Speed85
Endurance90
Technique80
Molecular Density3.1
Existential Dread15
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
John Cena VS Manager Summoner Mike
Manager Summoner Mike
70Strength
80Speed
85Endurance
95Technique
2.6Molecular Density
85Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Manager Summoner Mike
Violence concluded.
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