TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-22-25
APPROVED
Flat Earth Fred
Strength70
Speed80
Endurance75
Technique85
Molecular Density1.1
Existential Dread99
Fingers11
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Flat Earth Fred VS Quarterly Report Jones
Quarterly Report Jones
60Strength
75Speed
90Endurance
88Technique
2.6Molecular Density
87Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Flat Earth Fred
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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