TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-24-25
APPROVED
Barista Brad "Caffeine Crusher"
Strength60
Speed90
Endurance70
Technique85
Molecular Density1.9
Existential Dread70
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Barista Brad "Caffeine Crusher" VS The Finger Counter
The Finger Counter
65Strength
85Speed
70Endurance
90Technique
2.7Molecular Density
25Existential Dread
23Fingers
7Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Barista Brad "Caffeine Crusher"
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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