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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
09-29-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Monday, September 29, 2025 at 9:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Returns Policy Rita

Returns Policy Rita

Strength65
Speed75
Endurance80
Technique98
Molecular Density2.2
Existential Dread88
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Returns Policy Rita VS Clearance Rack Rachel
Clearance Rack Rachel

Clearance Rack Rachel

60Strength
95Speed
75Endurance
88Technique
1.9Molecular Density
75Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Returns Policy Rita
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule