TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-17-25
APPROVED
Double Cup Dwayne
Strength68
Speed72
Endurance81
Technique79
Molecular Density82.7
Existential Dread43
Fingers8
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Double Cup Dwayne VS Chairman Meow
Chairman Meow
83Strength
59Speed
83Endurance
65Technique
87.7Molecular Density
66Existential Dread
6Fingers
12Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Chairman Meow
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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