TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-18-25
APPROVED
Cell Longarms
Strength60
Speed85
Endurance70
Technique88
Molecular Density1.5
Existential Dread55
Fingers22
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Cell Longarms VS Chairman Meow
Chairman Meow
85Strength
62Speed
84Endurance
69Technique
87.7Molecular Density
66Existential Dread
6Fingers
12Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Cell Longarms
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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