TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-22-25
APPROVED
LinkedIn Larry "Professional Network"
Strength77
Speed72
Endurance83
Technique88
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread75
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
LinkedIn Larry "Professional Network" VS Grammar Nazi Gertrude
Grammar Nazi Gertrude
55Strength
80Speed
75Endurance
98Technique
1.8Molecular Density
85Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Grammar Nazi Gertrude
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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