TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-23-25
APPROVED
What Even Is This
Strength68
Speed93
Endurance67
Technique92
Molecular Density1.1
Existential Dread95
Fingers9
Toes11
TALE OF THE TAPE
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65Strength
85Speed
70Endurance
90Technique
1.5Molecular Density
82Existential Dread
11Fingers
9Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
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Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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