TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-23-25
APPROVED
Lawn Care Larry
Strength74
Speed76
Endurance91
Technique82
Molecular Density2.5
Existential Dread55
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Lawn Care Larry VS Lottery Ticket Larry
Lottery Ticket Larry
60Strength
60Speed
95Endurance
98Technique
2.0Molecular Density
95Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Lottery Ticket Larry
Violence concluded.
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