TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-05-25
APPROVED
404 Error Evan
Strength80
Speed85
Endurance65
Technique70
Molecular Density3.1
Existential Dread57
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
404 Error Evan VS Swisher Sweet
Swisher Sweet
75Strength
75Speed
75Endurance
75Technique
28.4Molecular Density
88Existential Dread
12Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Swisher Sweet
Violence concluded.
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