TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-05-25
APPROVED
Prior Authorization Paul
Strength83
Speed70
Endurance69
Technique78
Molecular Density2.9
Existential Dread58
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Prior Authorization Paul VS Generic Cola Gary
Generic Cola Gary
74Strength
83Speed
63Endurance
80Technique
3.0Molecular Density
39Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Generic Cola Gary
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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