TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-06-25
APPROVED
Mommy Issues Mike
Strength55
Speed48
Endurance65
Technique58
Molecular Density1.4
Existential Dread87
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Mommy Issues Mike VS Danny DeVito
Danny DeVito
40Strength
60Speed
70Endurance
85Technique
3.8Molecular Density
75Existential Dread
8Fingers
12Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Mommy Issues Mike
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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