TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-20-25
APPROVED
Jean-Claude Van Damme
Strength79
Speed93
Endurance72
Technique88
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread30
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Jean-Claude Van Damme VS Polymer McGillicuddy
Polymer McGillicuddy
88Strength
75Speed
91Endurance
80Technique
4.2Molecular Density
65Existential Dread
13Fingers
7Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Polymer McGillicuddy
Violence concluded.
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