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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-06-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, December 6, 2025 at 10:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Low Battery Mode

Low Battery Mode

Strength100
Speed2
Endurance100
Technique100
Molecular Density10.0
Existential Dread99
Fingers20
Toes20
TALE OF THE TAPE
Low Battery Mode VS Spandex Nightmare
Spandex Nightmare

Spandex Nightmare

75Strength
90Speed
78Endurance
92Technique
2.9Molecular Density
50Existential Dread
12Fingers
8Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Low Battery Mode
Violence concluded.
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