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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-09-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, December 9, 2025 at 11:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Rubber Glizzy

Rubber Glizzy

Strength84
Speed75
Endurance94
Technique85
Molecular Density2.9
Existential Dread72
Fingers10
Toes11
TALE OF THE TAPE
Rubber Glizzy VS Are You Afraid of the Shark
Are You Afraid of the Shark

Are You Afraid of the Shark

90Strength
85Speed
75Endurance
85Technique
3.2Molecular Density
85Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Are You Afraid of the Shark
Violence concluded.
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