TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-10-25
APPROVED
Count Dankula
Strength93
Speed54
Endurance76
Technique77
Molecular Density14.2
Existential Dread35
Fingers15
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Count Dankula VS Skunkhand Jenkins
Skunkhand Jenkins
60Strength
20Speed
120Endurance
100Technique
24.3Molecular Density
80Existential Dread
8Fingers
6Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Count Dankula
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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