TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-10-25
APPROVED
TV Remote
Strength64
Speed66
Endurance90
Technique80
Molecular Density89.8
Existential Dread100
Fingers15
Toes12
TALE OF THE TAPE
TV Remote VS Uncle Kick Salad
Uncle Kick Salad
70Strength
85Speed
68Endurance
77Technique
0.8Molecular Density
31Existential Dread
10Fingers
11Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Uncle Kick Salad
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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