TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-10-25
APPROVED
Tale of the Broken Elevator
Strength80
Speed60
Endurance90
Technique95
Molecular Density2.7
Existential Dread80
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Tale of the Broken Elevator VS 404 Not Found
404 Not Found
85Strength
95Speed
65Endurance
90Technique
0.0Molecular Density
99Existential Dread
0Fingers
0Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Tale of the Broken Elevator
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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