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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-12-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Friday, December 12, 2025 at 6:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
The Unsubscribe Link

The Unsubscribe Link

Strength91
Speed45
Endurance103
Technique61
Molecular Density0.0
Existential Dread127
Fingers1
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Unsubscribe Link VS The Ellipsis
The Ellipsis

The Ellipsis

66Strength
78Speed
81Endurance
75Technique
0.3Molecular Density
99Existential Dread
7Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

The Ellipsis
Violence concluded.
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