TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-13-25
APPROVED
Home Depot Manager
Strength64
Speed78
Endurance99
Technique59
Molecular Density83.4
Existential Dread96
Fingers9
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Home Depot Manager VS Uncle Kick Salad
Uncle Kick Salad
70Strength
85Speed
68Endurance
77Technique
0.8Molecular Density
31Existential Dread
10Fingers
11Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Uncle Kick Salad
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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