TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-16-25
APPROVED
Lars Ulrich
Strength60
Speed95
Endurance70
Technique90
Molecular Density2.2
Existential Dread65
Fingers12
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Lars Ulrich VS Troll King Tommy
Troll King Tommy
70Strength
90Speed
65Endurance
90Technique
1.5Molecular Density
90Existential Dread
11Fingers
9Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Lars Ulrich
Violence concluded.
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