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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-17-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Wednesday, December 17, 2025 at 7:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
wilson

wilson

Strength93
Speed78
Endurance81
Technique48
Molecular Density10.8
Existential Dread54
Fingers12
Toes14
TALE OF THE TAPE
wilson VS The Unsubscribe Link
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The Unsubscribe Link

91Strength
45Speed
103Endurance
61Technique
0.0Molecular Density
127Existential Dread
1Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

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Violence concluded.
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