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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-18-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Thursday, December 18, 2025 at 3:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
PowerPoint Paul “The Closer”

PowerPoint Paul “The Closer”

Strength60
Speed70
Endurance80
Technique90
Molecular Density2.6
Existential Dread35
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
PowerPoint Paul “The Closer” VS Sleep Paralysis Pam
Sleep Paralysis Pam

Sleep Paralysis Pam

60Strength
70Speed
80Endurance
90Technique
0.9Molecular Density
99Existential Dread
12Fingers
8Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

PowerPoint Paul “The Closer”
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule