TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-19-25
APPROVED
Lawn Care Larry
Strength70
Speed75
Endurance88
Technique80
Molecular Density2.5
Existential Dread55
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Lawn Care Larry VS Background Blur Betty
☠️ Background Blur Betty ☠️
55Strength
85Speed
80Endurance
95Technique
1.2Molecular Density
85Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Lawn Care Larry
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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