TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-19-25
APPROVED
Tale of the Broken Elevator
Strength80
Speed60
Endurance90
Technique95
Molecular Density2.7
Existential Dread80
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Tale of the Broken Elevator VS Kirk Hammett
Kirk Hammett
75Strength
85Speed
80Endurance
98Technique
2.6Molecular Density
50Existential Dread
11Fingers
9Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Kirk Hammett
Violence concluded.
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