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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-20-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, December 20, 2025 at 10:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Engine Eberhardt

Engine Eberhardt

Strength90
Speed75
Endurance85
Technique70
Molecular Density3.5
Existential Dread20
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Engine Eberhardt VS Warwick Davis
Warwick Davis

Warwick Davis

50Strength
75Speed
70Endurance
90Technique
1.4Molecular Density
35Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Engine Eberhardt
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule