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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-22-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Monday, December 22, 2025 at 4:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Empty Fridge at 2AM

Empty Fridge at 2AM

Strength84
Speed67
Endurance74
Technique75
Molecular Density1.6
Existential Dread81
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Empty Fridge at 2AM VS Vacuum Vinnie
Vacuum Vinnie

Vacuum Vinnie

85Strength
70Speed
75Endurance
70Technique
2.1Molecular Density
20Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Empty Fridge at 2AM
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule