TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-23-25
APPROVED
Jelly Burgertoes
Strength55
Speed80
Endurance70
Technique92
Molecular Density1.7
Existential Dread50
Fingers8
Toes12
TALE OF THE TAPE
Jelly Burgertoes VS JC Chasez
☠️ JC Chasez ☠️
55Strength
80Speed
70Endurance
88Technique
1.7Molecular Density
60Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Jelly Burgertoes
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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