TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-23-25
APPROVED
Splinter Under Fingernail
Strength80
Speed68
Endurance72
Technique80
Molecular Density3.6
Existential Dread89
Fingers9
Toes11
TALE OF THE TAPE
Splinter Under Fingernail VS Bathtub Ring Bobby
Bathtub Ring Bobby
69Strength
80Speed
75Endurance
76Technique
3.3Molecular Density
34Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Splinter Under Fingernail
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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