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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-23-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, December 23, 2025 at 7:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Essential Oil Olivia

Essential Oil Olivia

Strength60
Speed85
Endurance70
Technique92
Molecular Density1.5
Existential Dread75
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Essential Oil Olivia VS YouTube Yolanda "Subscribe or Die"
YouTube Yolanda "Subscribe or Die"

YouTube Yolanda "Subscribe or Die"

65Strength
85Speed
70Endurance
90Technique
1.5Molecular Density
82Existential Dread
11Fingers
9Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

YouTube Yolanda "Subscribe or Die"
Violence concluded.
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