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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-23-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, December 23, 2025 at 10:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Teflon Moonbeam

Teflon Moonbeam

Strength80
Speed85
Endurance81
Technique88
Molecular Density3.7
Existential Dread70
Fingers11
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Teflon Moonbeam VS Insurance Denial Ian
Insurance Denial Ian

Insurance Denial Ian

86Strength
75Speed
80Endurance
98Technique
3.1Molecular Density
95Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Insurance Denial Ian
Violence concluded.
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