TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-26-25
APPROVED
Pocket Protector Pete
Strength50
Speed40
Endurance60
Technique70
Molecular Density1.5
Existential Dread75
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Pocket Protector Pete VS Mommy Issues Mike
Mommy Issues Mike
55Strength
48Speed
65Endurance
58Technique
1.4Molecular Density
87Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Mommy Issues Mike
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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