TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-29-25
APPROVED
The Waffle Iron
Strength70
Speed88
Endurance66
Technique76
Molecular Density3.3
Existential Dread22
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Waffle Iron VS 99 Cent Store Samurai
99 Cent Store Samurai
85Strength
72Speed
71Endurance
72Technique
2.5Molecular Density
47Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
99 Cent Store Samurai
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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