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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-02-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Friday, January 2, 2026 at 9:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Reset Link Randy

Reset Link Randy

Strength70
Speed80
Endurance75
Technique95
Molecular Density2.2
Existential Dread85
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
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Stretch Filigree

Stretch Filigree

50Strength
95Speed
85Endurance
90Technique
0.7Molecular Density
45Existential Dread
20Fingers
4Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

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Violence concluded.
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