TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-03-26
APPROVED
Tucan Shakur
Strength120
Speed100
Endurance20
Technique60
Molecular Density75.8
Existential Dread99
Fingers14
Toes13
TALE OF THE TAPE
Tucan Shakur VS Sausage Festival
Sausage Festival
85Strength
68Speed
90Endurance
72Technique
3.1Molecular Density
22Existential Dread
8Fingers
12Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Tucan Shakur
Violence concluded.
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