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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-03-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, January 3, 2026 at 10:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
99 Cent Store Samurai

99 Cent Store Samurai

Strength85
Speed72
Endurance71
Technique72
Molecular Density2.5
Existential Dread47
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
99 Cent Store Samurai VS Maybe Tomorrow
Maybe Tomorrow

Maybe Tomorrow

55Strength
75Speed
85Endurance
88Technique
1.5Molecular Density
90Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Maybe Tomorrow
Violence concluded.
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