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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-06-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, January 6, 2026 at 10:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Tale of the Broken Elevator

Tale of the Broken Elevator

Strength80
Speed60
Endurance90
Technique95
Molecular Density2.7
Existential Dread80
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Tale of the Broken Elevator VS Robert Trujillo
Robert Trujillo

Robert Trujillo

80Strength
80Speed
88Endurance
85Technique
2.8Molecular Density
35Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Tale of the Broken Elevator
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule