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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-08-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Thursday, January 8, 2026 at 9:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Reset Link Randy

Reset Link Randy

Strength70
Speed80
Endurance75
Technique95
Molecular Density2.2
Existential Dread85
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Reset Link Randy VS Rinse Jackson
Rinse Jackson

Rinse Jackson

95Strength
55Speed
95Endurance
75Technique
3.8Molecular Density
10Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Reset Link Randy
Violence concluded.
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