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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-10-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, January 10, 2026 at 12:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Clearance Rack Rachel

Clearance Rack Rachel

Strength60
Speed95
Endurance75
Technique88
Molecular Density1.9
Existential Dread75
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Clearance Rack Rachel VS Pancake Stabber Stevens
Pancake Stabber Stevens

Pancake Stabber Stevens

81Strength
83Speed
70Endurance
76Technique
3.1Molecular Density
35Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Clearance Rack Rachel
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule