TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-10-26
APPROVED
Prior Authorization Paul
Strength84
Speed73
Endurance72
Technique81
Molecular Density2.9
Existential Dread58
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Prior Authorization Paul VS Crouton Crusher
Crouton Crusher
80Strength
60Speed
80Endurance
80Technique
2.9Molecular Density
25Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Prior Authorization Paul
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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