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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-10-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, January 10, 2026 at 3:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Prior Authorization Paul

Prior Authorization Paul

Strength84
Speed73
Endurance72
Technique81
Molecular Density2.9
Existential Dread58
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Prior Authorization Paul VS Reset Link Randy
Reset Link Randy

Reset Link Randy

70Strength
80Speed
75Endurance
95Technique
2.2Molecular Density
85Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Reset Link Randy
Violence concluded.
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