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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-10-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, January 10, 2026 at 4:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Empyrean Angel

Empyrean Angel

Strength74
Speed43
Endurance100
Technique93
Molecular Density25.4
Existential Dread8
Fingers6
Toes7
TALE OF THE TAPE
Empyrean Angel VS Jelly Burgertoes
Jelly Burgertoes

Jelly Burgertoes

58Strength
82Speed
72Endurance
95Technique
1.7Molecular Density
50Existential Dread
8Fingers
12Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Jelly Burgertoes
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule