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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-10-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, January 10, 2026 at 10:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Tucan Shakur

Tucan Shakur

Strength120
Speed100
Endurance20
Technique60
Molecular Density75.8
Existential Dread99
Fingers14
Toes13
TALE OF THE TAPE
Tucan Shakur VS Auto-Correct Apocalypse
Auto-Correct Apocalypse

Auto-Correct Apocalypse

75Strength
85Speed
70Endurance
70Technique
3.0Molecular Density
41Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Tucan Shakur
Violence concluded.
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