TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-13-26
APPROVED
Generic Cola Gary
Strength74
Speed83
Endurance63
Technique80
Molecular Density3.0
Existential Dread39
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Generic Cola Gary VS Splinter Under Fingernail
☠️ Splinter Under Fingernail ☠️
80Strength
68Speed
72Endurance
80Technique
3.6Molecular Density
89Existential Dread
9Fingers
11Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Generic Cola Gary
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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