TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-14-26
APPROVED
Clearance Rack Rachel
Strength60
Speed95
Endurance75
Technique88
Molecular Density1.9
Existential Dread75
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Clearance Rack Rachel VS Early Bird Eddie
Early Bird Eddie
65Strength
90Speed
70Endurance
88Technique
1.6Molecular Density
60Existential Dread
9Fingers
8Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Early Bird Eddie
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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