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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-15-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Thursday, January 15, 2026 at 4:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ⏱️ VIOLENCE PENDING
Vacuum Vinnie

Vacuum Vinnie

Strength85
Speed70
Endurance75
Technique70
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread20
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Vacuum Vinnie VS Patch Note Pete
Patch Note Pete

Patch Note Pete

80Strength
80Speed
70Endurance
70Technique
2.5Molecular Density
40Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
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